On drowning in games

First you lose a lot,
Then you win a game...and don't know why,
Then you lose a lot more and think you should have won,
This happens for Oh, a dozen or so games,
Then you win one and think another player threw you the game unintentionally,
Then you lose and think you threw the game to another player!
Then you do that some more, say another dozen-odd games,
Then you win a game but clearly see it was because of another player's error,
Then you lose a game because of your error,
Then you lose again because of an error you could have exploited but didn't,
And that goes on for a dozen or so games,
Then you win, know why you won and feel great,
And you lose, know why you lost and feel great,
And that goes on for a while,
Until you lose and don't understand why,
And win and don't understand why,
And you suspect that you threw the game to another player,
Or another player threw the game to you or someone else,
But you're not sure,
And this goes on for a while, perhaps a dozen games or so,
And then you realise you're exactly back where you started,
With exactly the same uncertainties and confusions you had in those very early games,
Not really knowing what you're doing,
Still feeling your way in the dark,
You just know a lot more about the questions now,
But you still have the same uncertainties and questions,
And you keep on struggling with them,
And you win some,
And lose some,
And hope to learn from both.